How To Enable Failure By Comparison, Unhealthy Competition And Never Reaching Your Destiny
By: Sandi Krakowski
Working with business professionals from all kinds of backgrounds, the experience and knowledge we gain from our over 170,000 clients makes everyday a case study.
During the last month many of our clients are assessing where they are in life, reviewing how they have done in comparison to the goals they created in January of this year. Some are excited and encouraged! Revisiting where they were a year ago at a Mastermind event we hosted…. then their commitment to coaching privately… and now seeing how they not only tripled their income but they also stepped into higher levels of leadership! Others see the success they've created but also, through tears, say they want so much more.
There's nothing wrong with wanting more…… and anyone who knows me, understands that I am ALL about BEING more so we can have more! But sometimes, along the road to success, we can be hit between the eyes with something we don't eve realize is enabling us to fail. In some cases, completely sabotaging our efforts towards success.
One of these dastardly 'things' is the rut of comparison.
When our eyes go to where others are and where we want to be, if we're not careful…. and acting in a healthy manner, we can get to a point of thinking we are different. This can often lead to believing we should be farther or… that what we've done isn't good enough. Sadly, a serious case of 'ungratefulitis' can set in and we've begun single handedly to destroy our dreams.
How can we protect ourselves from this tricky deception and stay on the path of our goals, regardless of what others are doing?
It's quite simple, actually. We stop comparing ourselves with others and remember the facts of our own equation.
For example, let's say someone has been working a home based business for 5 years and they have gotten to the point of making $500,000 per year. At a recent event I visited this was the case of a Mompreneur with triplets! Just 6 years ago she made the decision to no longer struggle. Building her business full time, between 30-40 hours per week for the last 5 years with the help of her husband, they were able to create more than $500,000 in profits! This is totally amazing, considering many home based business owners won't get to this level! Sadly, they'll sabotage themselves and settle into 'dreaming and hoping they can do the same thing' but never hitting the mark.
What if another Mompreneur who is just starting out online hears this story? Would it be healthy comparison if she begins to compare her current success with the story of the mom with the 3 little ones? Who has been doing her business for 5 years?
Imagine…. this person is in her first year online. Her business has paid her $50,000. Not too bad! Considering that's more than the average household income of many people in corporate America! Oh… and she did it very part time, in under 12 hours per week. If she were to compare herself with this other business woman, to be fair and honest, she'd have to cut the results into 1/4 of what she currently sees.
How does this work?
$ 500,000 per year at 40 hours per week
$ 50,000 per year at 10 hour per week
The goal for the second Mompreneur should be to get to $ 125,000 by her 4-5th year to be having the EXACT same success! But what if…… let's just say, for the sake of example, someone isn't patient and they think they are a failure if they are 'only' earning $ 50,000 per year their first year?
What if this same business woman also forgets that she runs her business alone and she's not working with her husband nor is she working 40 hours per week? It would be easy to see, she could grow very discouraged, if she wasn't thinking objectively.. and gave into an emotional response to her business.
At another event I attended I met a mom with 5 kids who was making $450,000 per year after 5 years of running her business!
But this story was not as happy as you might think. She was wore out, sick of being the leader in the home, had really not 'allowed' her husband to be involved in the business at all and her dreams were NOT coming true, even though she made more in one month than most Americans make in a year! If this woman were to compare herself with a millionaire in business, it would be easy to see that unhappiness is what would await her if her only pursuit were money. She obviously is not happy with her business because everything is hanging onto how much she earns. This is where unhealthy competition and comparison can step in. We all must be very careful.
As a mentor, a coach and a teacher, it is painful for me to see this kind of unhealthy competition and comparison taking place! It's something that not only enables failure but if not guarded against, it can destroy success faster than a crashing economy!
If we are not comfortable in our own skin and living the life we WANT to live above all things, we will get into the trap of only comparing monetary increase as the measuring rod for success. And we'll become very discouraged.
Maybe we'll join an 'Online Facebook Group" where everyone will tell us how great we are or how things will be just fine.
Maybe we'll have someone editing our copywriting who has no ability to edit copy… and we'll get sidetracked.
Be careful whom you ask for help. Enablers live on social media, that's all I'm saying.
The best way to critique and assess your business is #1 with a competent coach, who is thinking objectively from all angles. The other big key in preventing unhealthy competition is to realize we must LIVE with the decisions we make.
When we made a decision that I would no longer work 90 hours per week and my work schedule would NEVER be more than 30 hours per week while the kids are home, (See Time and Life Management Free Training for how this plays out) it was critical that I reminded myself of the life I was CHOOSING, with my own free will, to live. Saying no to multiple speaking engagements, turning down requests for live events every month and holding fast to the goal for my life and my vision was of absolute necessity. It also demanded that I wear BIG blinders and be 100% with whom I am… never giving into comparison games and unhealthy competition.
Do you find yourself hearing stories like Angela Brooks who replaced her nurse’s income AND put more than 80 people into her business in 7 months ….and then are discouraged by where you personally are?
Let me ask you this question- if I was YOUR coach, this is what we would look at:
1. How many hours are you putting into your business?
2. Are you doing activities that generate leads; attract the right clients and close business daily?
If you're not doing these two things, no matter WHAT Angela's story is, you have no business comparing yourself because you simply are not doing the activities that build a long term business. The right thing to do would be to get some coaching and make a commitment so that you can focus on reality rather than comparisons.
When people ask me about Tara and Christine who generated more than 11,000 new clients to their list in under 5 months and they ask me HOW they were able to pay for their entire Ruby Coaching investment for the year in under just 2 months, the reality is this- are WE doing the activities that Tara and Christine are doing to add people to our list on a daily basis? And if we are not… when will we begin? Another very critical question to ask oneself is if we've made an investment into coaching so we don't make mistakes that cause us to fall backwards. Tara and Christine are moving ahead at a pace that is equal to their investment.
Comparison and unhealthy competition becomes a force of resistance in it's most potent form when we are NOT doing what we should do in our business and we're hoping there is some external force or reason to blame, rather than taking personal responsibility.
The people who make money in their business and don't succumb to unhealthy competition are those who move forward, stay objective, are honest with themselves about their goals and they never give in.
Make a commitment today to END the silliness of comparison and step INTO the design that God gave YOU specifically, so you can impact the world! You'll be amazed at how many problems this one decision will correct.
YOU my friends were created for success. Comparison and unhealthy competition is not a part of that equation
