Growing up with Mork and Mindy, I can honestly say that Robin Williams was one of my most favorite actors of all times. He made us all laugh. As he played Patch Adams, a therapist in Good Will Hunting, a teacher in Dead Poets society and even a robust woman in Mrs Doubtfire, he lived his characters. I often wondered if he was even 'acting', because he was so true to his roles. Taking on each character seemed so natural for him. He could shift between personalities and characters so easily, it made our hearts smile, cry and laugh every time we saw him.
As the world was in shock hearing of his death, I began to think of my own journey through depression for many many long years. Depression wears many faces. It can be withdrawn and silent or manic and boisterous. It can be arrogant and cruel or passive and codependent. Many of the people we meet each day on social media are depressed. Some clinically depressed and some are so fractured and shattered from trauma, their DNA actually changed and took them to a dark place they could not escape.
Having suffered molestation at the age of two, rape at seven, gang raped in my twenties, emotional abuse during my childhood, rejection and abandonment, without even mentioning the autoimmune conditions I've battled since I was very young, it's easy to see how I ended up depressed. I'm grateful to say I haven't battled depression in many years.
I did go through intensive counseling and therapy to be the whole, healed and powerful woman I am today. I continue to stay close with powerful people who hold me up and bear my burdens. But I've also gone through the nightmare of being overly medicated, dealing with abusive doctors and people who should have their medical license taken away and even a few, who should be in prison. Medication isn't wrong and prayer isn't wrong. Treating a 'one size fits all' depression, that is wrong.
So why am I writing to you today?
Many of us feel sad, blue and even depressed at times. We all do. It can be a very natural part of our human condition, just like happiness.
The Bible is full of people who sunk into dark places. Prophets and kings who wept for weeks, wore sackcloth and ashes and demonstrated their horrific grief, despair, disappointment and sadness. There's a woman who couldn't bear children who was in such a state of anguish that when people saw her praying in the temple they thought she was either out of her mind or drunk. She was probably both. Hormones, grief, loss and emptiness can literally take one out of a healthy state of mind and into a state of total drunkeness of pain.
Robin William's memory speaks to all of us, his death does as well. We all suffer. We don't all feel suicidal, but we do all suffer. I personally know what that is like to want to die. 20 years ago I didn't want to live. It's a dark dark place to think that your life is worth nothing and that the people who love you would be better off without you. It's a horribly demon filed space to carry so much pain you believe that death is the only way out.
I want to help one person today.
I wrote this post to say this one thing: I have personally been there. People can overcome. Yes, they can live powerful, meaningful and influential lives. But it won't EVER happen by staying alone or isolated. Ever. I know what it's like to be isolated and not want to talk to anyone, ever again. I went for years, isolated and withdrawn. It is my prayer that being honest and open with you about my past, one person can be helped.
If you are in a dark place today and you don't now how to get out, please, reach out for some help. I know what it's like to feel like you have no one and there is no one to tell. If you are in that place today, please tell a family member, a neighbor, a pastor nearby what you're feeling. Go to your local emergency room and tell them you are in a dark place and you can't get out. Have someone pray with you. Get your blood tested. Even gluten can cause severe depression in some people. Sugar alone can make some of us feel suicidal. Eating things that are poisoning us, junk food every day, can make some of us go to a dark place we can't get out of. Some of us need medication. Others need good nutrition. We are all different.
Today…. I want you to reach out and ask for help. I believe in YOUR wholeness. I know you can get to where I am. No one's life is perfect. All of us have struggles. I still see a counselor and know that EVERY SINGLE powerful person I know sees one too. The most powerful speakers, pastors, and authors of this generation all have someone they talk to regularly. 🙂
I am praying for you today, I believe in you with my whole heart.
Here are a few resources that have been a huge help to me-
Elevation Church: http://www.elevationchurch.com
Restoring The Foundations: http://www.rtfi.org
Bethel Church Sozo: http://bethelsozo.com/
A local church or clinic can connect you as well. You can't keep hiding behind your computer or smartphone if you want to be free. Today, I BELIEVE in your freedom. YOU are important. YOU are worth loving and you deserve a WONDERFUL life.
With love,
Sandi Krakowski
